Irony Bites

Apologies for the lack of updates dear reader, but there are several issues: 1) Blogger assumed my literacy in Thai script based on my location. I must have hit 'save as draft' vs. post for the previous missive. 2) The interweb is $20 a day here, so I haven't had it up and running at all times. During the conference days, I was actually pretty exhausted by the time things finished up, especially given the time difference, so it wasn't unusual to zonk out around 8PM (and wake at 4AM) after dinner.

The conference was good and I think we represented ourselves well. The end of the last day was given to 'other topics' and included an excellent talk of the current status of HIV vaccines, many of which are in study here in Thailand.

One particularly brave speaker saddled up to the podium with a mother of a presentation. Whenever someone gets their talk freshly loaded, you can sneak a peek at the lower corner of PowerPoint to see how many slides their talk contains. This whopper had 84! Rule of thumb 1 minute per slide and yer looking at an hour and half talk in a supposed 45 minute time frame. Extras at the end? I mused. I decided to keep count during her talk. I gave up around 40 or so, as it was clear she was going to hit every one of them. Not only that, but her slides were dense as iron ore. Witness:

"In Depth" vols. 1-3 available separately

Please note that 'briefly' in the title. Overwhelming to say the least, which is really too bad because the talk was informative and well done otherwise. The sheer volume of info turned many people off about halfway through (remember folks, they are only going to remember 3-5 things from your whole talk, not per slide). She also made the crucial error of running over into lunch. Nothing will turn an audience on you quicker than that.

Now back to ME. I'm sick as a dog. Really. I felt a little funny during the Friday session and decided just to order room service and stay in for the night. Ya know, busy week and all, sleep up for the big day Saturday. Upon waking, it was clear something was wrong. I had the classic case of what's known in G-town as "The Punies". Joint aches, fever, headache and the general feeling of having been run over by a tuk-tuk carrying a few obese Americans. I tried to sleep it off with the help of some Excedrin. I didn't feel much better around noon, but I forced myself up and about to try and go see the weekend market. By the time I got to the street it was clear this was a mistake and I was going nowhere far. I spied a 7-11 across the street and decided to stock up on a few provisions. It took my addled brain a few moments to realize that there never was going to be a traffic light signal to let me cross and that I had to climb the walkway over head to reach the other side. (Stairs, why did it have to be stairs?) I was pretty woozy going over, but I was helped across by the soothing voice of a street performer that lured me like a siren. Water, salt and sugar objects were purchased and I retreated to my room. I tried to catch a few minutes of sleep between the frequent visits to the bathroom. Various audio tracks would annoyingly lock on repeat in my head ("Children of the Damned" by Iron Maiden, the 'Trogdorr" song by Strong Bad and "Panic in the Streets" by my old austin roommates new band. Good job guys, yer in their with some classics.) I drifted off thinking about all the talks I'd heard the last few days and wondering what endemic bug I'd been bitten by. Malaria? Dengue Fever? Yellow Fever? The dreaded H5? more likely food poisoning or dysentery. (Not the type of infection some of you wags were predicting for me on this trip, sorry to disappoint.) I dreamt the army had me quarantined in their infectious disease lab, while the Navy held 4 similar cases themselves. When I awoke, my fever had broken. Being all sweaty was an overall improvement to the way I had been feeling, so I went back to sleep hoping I'd awake feeling much better and be able to make it to the market on Sunday.

Wishful thinking. The next thing I remember is starting to shiver. Despite wrapping up in the fetal position, things only got worse. Now I had turned the room temp down a bit when I had the fever, but it wasn't that cold. Walking to the bathroom was incredibly difficult as I stumbled and my whole body shook like a palsy patient. By the time the shower water heated up, my jaw muscles were in agony from overuse. The shivering would return the instant I shut the water off. Not fun folks, not fun.

It hasn't been without typical Mars Moments. I went to set my room service tray outside my door. There wasn't a real space for it, but there was a big area across the hall where it fit nicely. The ka-thunk I heard behind me was my door slamming shut, leaving me sans shoes, underwear and key in the hallway. So barefoot, holding my pants up with one hand and with a head of hair that can only come from two days of intermittent sleep and showers (or being a Grateful Dead fan) I headed downstairs amongst the rest of the elegant guests to request my second spare key. Luckily I did have my passport. Nowhere near as funny as a similar story that happened to my friend Doren that involves not one but TWO overflowing toilets. You'll have to get her to tell that one, she does a wonderful job.

My Dear Diary: Jackpot moment came when I found some Immodium AD that Coondog had given me in Guatemala. It hasn't lived up to the AD part yet, but it has soothed the searing pain pulses that were snaking through my intestines. Always appreciate life's small victories.

In less than 24 hours I'll be at the airport for the trip home. Hopefully my situation will improve a good deal more by then. I'm keeping the option open to stay the night in tokyo. If the 5 hour flight sucks, then I'm not doing the 11 hour one, although its considerably less crowded. (i.e. no fighting for the lavatory)

The pic at the top is the father of Thai medicine whom I'm making a special paean to in hopes of a speedy recovery.